The Museum of Things I Have Put on My Feet: 6 Exhibits
Every object in this room worked, a bit, for a while. Exhibit five explains the rest.
Every object in this room worked, a bit, for a while. That is what makes the collection so big.
Please do not touch the exhibits.
Exhibit 1. Pumice stone
Every Sunday. Worked until Thursday.
Hard skin on a heel is the body's armour against pressure and friction. The pumice took the top off, and the heel, still carrying the same weight in the same shoes, built it back. By Thursday it was exactly where it started.
Exhibit 2. Metal grater
Fast. Grew it back thicker.
Filing hard is friction, and friction is exactly what tells skin to thicken. Go deep enough to feel raw and the heel treats it as damage and rebuilds harder and faster. The exhibit is labelled, in small print, rebound.
Exhibit 3. Foot peel
Two weeks of shedding on the bathroom floor.
Acid loosens the bonds between dead cells so the whole layer comes away in sheets. Very satisfying. Then the skin is new, dry and unprotected, and the old conditions build it straight back.
Visibly softer heels in fourteen nights, or keep everything and we refund you in full.
Exhibit 4. Cling film
Worked. Could not leave the house in it.
The only exhibit that got the idea right. Plastic seals the cream in and stops the sock taking it. But it rustles, overheats and slides, so it only ever happened on the organised nights.
Exhibit 5. Cotton sock, inside out
Where the cream actually went. This is the one that explains the rest: a cotton sock pulls moisture off skin, so every cream in the drawer spent the night in the sock.
Cotton fibres draw liquid in and spread it along the knit. That is what makes them comfortable. It is also why every tube in this museum was judged on twenty minutes of contact instead of a night.
Exhibit 6. The step that was missing
A sock with a bonded inner face that does not soak anything up. Your own cream, kept on the heel, under your shoes.
It does the cling film's job without the cling film, and it goes to work with you, so the cream gets a whole day on the skin instead of twenty minutes.
Visibly softer heels in fourteen nights, or keep everything and we refund you in full.
How it works
- Cream on.
- Day Sock on.
- Close the exhibition.
The offer
-
One pair · £25
your choice -
3 pairs · £55
Most chosen · Night Sleeve (£14) and mesh wash bag (£8) free · save £42 · about 15p a night -
5 pairs · £89
everything, twice over
Why now: the museum only grows while the cream keeps ending up in exhibit five.
Visibly softer heels in fourteen nights, or keep everything and we refund you in full.
Free UK delivery · No subscription · Machine washable at 40 · Working life 3 to 6 months
A textile accessory, not a cosmetic or a medical device.
Same cream. Fourteen nights. A sock that cannot drink it.
Shop the kit — from £25
